Why "Self-Care, Mama!" is the New Queen of Cringe
Guest Blog by Stacy McCann, LCSW, LBA
I’m excited to introduce you all to Stacy McCann MSW, LCSW, LBA, Owner of Present Moment Counseling Services and Present Parent Coaching Services offering therapy and parent coaching in Missouri & Illinios and offering coaching everywhere. Stacy and I have a similar niche and I recently got an email from her with the best content. Her sentiments are similar to mine in Re)Defining Self-Care For Therapist Moms In A World of Buzzwords . It was an excellent reminder to me to not leave my Mamas hanging. I had to have her share it here. Enjoy.
If we’re going to speak on the topic of self-care, here’s an example of what not to do:
Mom 1: “I’m so burnt out. I feel like all I do is care for the kids and the house. My husband works long hours and I just can’t keep up. By 9pm, I’m too exhausted to do anything but scroll my phone. Ugh.”
Mom 2: “Self-care, mama! You need a break! Schedule yourself a massage or a pool day, because you need to recharge!”
Why? Because shouting "self-care" to a burnt out and overwhelmed mom with limited resources is at best it’s tone deaf and short-sighted and at worst, it’s victim-blaming.
Because the problem of burnout in motherhood isn’t our fault, and a nail appointment isn’t going to fix it. Motherhood burnout is put on us in the society in which we operate. A society in which:
-childcare costs are exorbitant and villages don’t exists
-raising our children isn’t seen as meaningful work, as valuable as paid work outside the home
-our male partners are raised to put themselves first, and that financially providing for a family is enough of a contribution
-care in postpartum and beyond isn’t seen as necessary, isn’t funded as such, and is mostly ignored
-women are taught from birth to people-please, give to others in spite of themselves, and stay quiet
-being supermom is the goal
So sure, moms need a break. But it’s not a nail appointment or a spa day, it’s a break from the pressure to do all and be all in spite of ourselves.
If you’re going to tell me to engage in self-care, help me figure out how, and advocate with me to change the systems in place that oppress mothers.
How you can get in touch with Stacy
Present Moment Counseling Services
Present Parent Coaching Services
(314) 474-7705
